Home Again

I'm now home at my parents house. It's strange because in a way I don't feel like this place is...my home. I miss Rexburg and the dorms, well...somewhat. Those crazy freshman girls above me were such a pain! But that's another story...

Anyways, so yes, I don't feel that this place is my home. I've reached that point where I'm yearning for a new place and specifically my own place. I want that big fuzzy cat to greet me (face it, cats and dogs are my future but I will most likely end up getting a cat). And I'm wanting that life where I work and do all the things that you usually end up doing after you get out of college. But I have a feeling that my college time will take some time, what with my ROTC and my degree's requirments aka-->

1. Undergraduate req.
2. History Req.
3. Int'l studies req.
4. Language minor req. (still trying to figure out if I want to stick w/Spanish or not)
5. Graduate req.
6. ...and possible ROTC req in my future (not sure if I'm going to continue on doing ROTC passed my sophomore year)

With all of that, things are kind of hectic.

Along with that, I'm having a hard time being home. I havn't worked out at all since being home and I've gained some weight, lost some muscle tone and it's really stressing me out. On top of that, this working for my parents...it's not...well not that I didn't know it was going to be difficult it's just that I'm so darn tired once I get home that I don't want to do anything.

And of course, I was praying for the first time in what felt like forever just a couple of days ago on the way home and I just started balling, saying how sorry I was and how scared I am. That I just want, basically, for everything to line up. That I want to find my husband because I know that he will love me and be proud of me, that I can take care of my children and be what my parents weren't.

Now I'm not saying that my parents are bad, they've done everything they can for us and even moved our family because of I situation I was in when I was younger. But I just feel like there could have been something more-something that I can give my children that my family doesn't have right now.



I'm just going to have to figure it out I suppose.